It's All About The Math or Is It All About The Guilt?

I'm just gonna throw this out there to all you Mom's whether you stay at home, stay at home and work or work outside the house and then come home and pull another shift! There isn't any easy answer and it all boils down to choices, I guess. Lately I have struggled a great deal with the idea of going back to work outside of my home. Why? I would like to have some extra money coming in. I would like to do something that's beyond what I'm doing now. I have an awesome education that I paid serious money to have that I'm not using.

We have been working on the Dave Ramsey plan for over a year now. It's hard! It takes some serious sacrificing to become debt free on one income. The pay off in the end is going to be awesome but it's getting to the end that's the hard part. At some point I would like to move past bleeding and sweating for my wardrobe. Seriously! I'm not asking to live beyond my means. I would just like a few little upgrades here and there and to have some recognition for a job well done.

Decisions like this all come back to the math, as it always does. I'm at the mercy of the bread winner's work/traveling schedule. If I work outside the home I would have to have two children in day care. Oh and then there is my older son who would either have to be alone at home or I would have to find a place for him too. I even thought about working at night so I could still have my day time life but then if my husband has to travel what do I do with the kids?  $$$$$ 

I thought I would have the best of both worlds by working from home and being here for my kids until I had to close down my business. I was having a great time learning new things, being my own boss but it never generated what I needed it too and then there's the small glitch of the CPSIA. Now I'm restless.

Do I want other people spending all their time with my kids? This is where the guilt comes in. It's almost like the decision is solely all mine. I can suck it up and just deal with the fact that I chose to have three children and this is it. This is my job, restless or not.

If I wait until the youngest one starts school then maybe I would have more of a chance to move beyond where I am, right? Flash forward three years and all three of my kids start and end school at different times. Sounds like I'm back to square one, doesn't it? I'm not getting any younger. What's wrong with me? Why can't I just be content doing what I'm doing? After all if it's the most important job then why am I having so many issues? Why am I not content?

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